The prominent crypto critic needed urgent medical attention after the recent crash in the price of bitcoin caused a sudden flow of blood away from his vital organs.
Nouriel Roubini has been taken to hospital and remains in a critical condition, according to his doctors, following bitcoin’s dramatic price action.
Roubini – author of ‘I predicted the financial crisis and am very awesome’, ‘Bitcoin is a big scam because I say so’ and ‘I am a Nobel Prize-winning economist and am smarter than you’ – has long been a prominent critic of cryptocurrency. He has derided bitcoin as a scam and a ponzi, as ‘useless technology’ and a glorified Excel spreadsheet.
The Nobel Prize-winning economist, who takes every opportunity to remind you that bitcoin will fail because he correctly predicted the financial crisis and has a Nobel Prize, was rushed to hospital earlier this week after bitcoin crashed from a local high of $13,880 to a low of $9,614.
‘It appears that the excitement of bitcoin’s crash was too much for Nouriel,’ commented one of the doctors who attended him at the Emergency Room of the New York hospital to which he was taken. ‘The redirection of blood from the heart and brain to peripheral organs caused an immediate blackout. Basically, bitcoin dropping below $10k gave him a seizure-inducing boner. He’s lucky to be alive right now.’ Neighbours of the prominent Nobel Prize-winning economist report that his journey to the hospital was delayed after he insisted on going back home to get his Nobel Prize.
As if that wasn’t enough, bitcoin then recovered and soared back above the $10,000 mark to challenge and ultimately overcome the $11k resistance line. ‘Unfortunately, Nouriel hasn’t studied technical analysis,’ continued the Emergency doctor. ‘He doesn’t understand that crypto markets go in both directions, not just down. The blood rushed back out of his wang and straight to his brain, briefly turbocharging it like an athlete engaging in blood doping. For a moment there, he really was the most intelligent person in the world, not just someone who likes to think he is.
‘While in that brief state of hyper-intelligence, Nouriel unfortunately made the wise decision to buy some bitcoin. But then he saw Warren Buffett, who had come to visit him, and was wracked with remorse and self-loathing. No human mind can bear that kind of conflict, especially one so entrenched in conventional economic thinking. He’ll need years of therapy. Probably he’ll never be the same again.’
Roubini is currently convalescing at home in bed with his Nobel Prize.
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