An Old Fashioned is the perfect drink for drowning your sorrows in the latter stages of a bear market, or perhaps celebrating your foresight for buying BTC before 2016. It’s refined, calming, and evokes better times, like September 2017 when the price of bitcoin was last toying with this range. Here’s how to make one.
You’re going to need bourbon. Lots of bourbon. If you’ve been hodling since 2016 or before, you might get away with the good stuff like Basil Hayden or Eagle Rare. If not, well, you might have to manage with one of the lesser brands. If you bought BTC in December 2017, you’ll probably just want to use antifreeze or methylated spirits.
Find a suitable glass. Something heavy but not too large. There is an Old Fashioned glass you can buy – a thick, high-quality, rounded glass that feels very pleasing in the hand – and it’s a worthwhile investment if you’ve got the cash. The skull of a permabull will also work if you can find one without a bullet hole in the back, which will leak bourbon onto your trousers. If you bought bitcoin less than a year ago, just go for whatever you can find. A used ashtray is probably about your budget right now.
One sugar lump, or teaspoon of sugar – dark brown, ideally – goes in the glass. Sugar lumps can be acquired for free from bars and coffee shops if needs be. Two or three dashes of Angostura Bitters, or WD40 if you’re strapped. Add a splash of club soda, or tap water if your budget won’t stretch to it.
Muddle the sugar/bitters/soda. Why not use that Ledger you bought back when you thought BTC was going to $100,000 this year? Add ice. Early adopters: ice balls look great and sit neatly in your Old Fashioned Glass. However, you’ll need a special silicon or Aluminium mould for them, so if you’re a laggard who picked up their first BTC at $19k then just chip some ice out of the back of the freezer, assuming you can still pay for your electricity. If not, scour local puddles and ponds under cover of darkness, if it’s winter in your country right now. If not, well, it’s crypto winter everywhere.
Pour over the bourbon, or meths, according to taste and budget. Drink in front of an open fire. Hodlers, that can be in your library, enjoying the comfort of a leather armchair. 2018 buyers, a trash can fire on the street is the best you’re going to do.
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